What Social Media Means After Breakup

The Definitive Guide to Handling Social Media Afterward A Breakup

It's difficult, simply you tin practice it.

I talk to women about breakups every day. It's my passion and my job. I've seen firsthand what helps and what hinders breakdown recovery.

After a particularly brutal breakup recovery of my ain, I made information technology my mission to larn everything I could near turning the hardest thing into the best matter that's ever happened. I earned my life coaching certification and started seeing clients. Since and so, I started a podcast on the topic called "The Ex-Philes: Breakups, Cleaved Hearts and Moving On" with my fellow breakup specialist Janice Formichella.

I've been asked many times:

Should I disappear from social media later a breakup? What to mail on social media after a breakup? Why can't I finish checking my ex'southward social media?

These are all smashing questions. Social media is a beast to manage fifty-fifty in the all-time of times. It can exist really hard to know what to do when handling social media afterwards a breakdown. We take access at our fingertips to pictures of our ex and tin runway his whereabouts through his account, our friend's accounts, stories, comments… the list goes on.

The Science

As Dr. Guy Winch shares in his book "How To Fix A Broken Centre", research from the Academy of Michigan shows that the pain of heartbreak is processed but like "unbearable" physical pain (2018). In the same book, Winch shares another study that proved that even the thought of existence without a significant other temporarily lowered participants' IQ and their functioning on tasks involving logic and reasoning (2018).

Equally you are processing your grief, be enlightened that you may not exist thinking conspicuously. Slow down, and take time with your decisions — there is no rush. A key part of handling social media after a breakup is taking your time.

It's my business to have a lot of opinions about this stuff as a breakup and human relationship coach, however, I believe that you lot are the expert in your own life. You know what is best for you. I simply inquire that you dive deeper and figure out what is kindest to yourself when making each of your decisions. This guiding principle volition proceed you on the right path.

This leads me to my first question:

How much do you owe them?

The number one thing I hear from clients about social media starts with "What will they think if…?"

My question is, "Does it matter?"

Does it matter what they call back if yous post a movie with you lot smiling? Does it matter what they think if yous block them?

Stop taking your ex into business relationship when handling social media after a breakup. They lost the right to have an opinion when you broke up. I only care virtually your wellbeing and recovery. Focus on your recovery and they should focus on his.

This may come up off every bit unduly harsh, withal, I see this perspective equally being respectful of your ex because it assumes that they accept the capability to have care of their own emotional wellness. They are capable of moving through this hard time. They're going to exist merely fine, and you have to assume that, like y'all, any they exercise on social media is only taking into account their own all-time interest.

So, excluding basic decency and making sure not to post anything deliberately hurtful, they do not demand yous to tiptoe around their feelings when handling social media later on a breakup.

Speaking of basic decency: ever be kind. Don't postal service anything in anger, elevate someone publicly, or mail a flick with someone new soon after a breakup every bit revenge. Regardless of what they did or said, keep your karma clean. Their karma is theirs and doing something unkind only damages your ain.

You practice you, boo. Be kind, merely for everything else — you lot're not responsible for people'southward perceptions of yous.

Some General Tips

Take a break from social media at start

There's no rush. Have your fourth dimension. Let the open up wound form a scab before you motility into online PR mode.

Don't start posting thirst traps (unless information technology's already your thing)

Hey, if you already postal service bikini pictures every other feed post and that'southward your matter — girl! Love your body, do your thing. No hate here.

But if you lot usually would never post something like that, don't start correct after your breakup. Starting something you'd usually never do probably means you are changing your deportment with the intention to connect with your ex. If you are being motivated by what they might remember, y'all are nevertheless connected to them! It'southward merely bad energy.

I desire you to feel sexy and confident after a breakdown. If you tin be honest with yourself and know that what you are posting is FOR Yous, then go right ahead. Simply don't practise it for your ex.

Practice No Contact:

I am Pro-No Contact. You lot volition see that reflected in my advice throughout this guide.

When you break upwardly, your brain actually has to rewire itself again co-ordinate to a 2009 report published in the Journal of Neurophysiology.

When you are with someone you are basically forming an addiction. Each time you see them or are with them, you go a little hitting of dopamine. When you interruption up, you are besides suffering from dopamine withdrawals.

This causes the feeling of "needing" to seek out that person, whether in person, texting, or checking social media, similar someone experiencing drug addiction would compulsively seek out their drug of selection when experiencing withdrawals.

As you tin can imagine, standing to use a drug continues the addiction. There are two means to address this addiction to your ex: yous can go cold-turkey or you can wean yourself off.

Either mode, yous have to go through the hurting, non around it, to get over someone.

Hither's how you should go nearly handling social media afterwards a breakup, organized by app.

Your Instagram Feed

The last thing you desire to do correct after a breakup is play publicist for yourself. You may not have the force to recall about what you want to exercise with all the pictures of the two of y'all on your feed. At that place's no rush. Leave it every bit it is for a couple of weeks and be IRL for a little while. When you are ready, decide what yous want to do with the pictures and so log back in.

Deleting pictures of the 2 of you can feel unthinkable right now so I recommend archiving them. When you feel strong in yourself and in feeling over them, you tin can and then determine whether to permanently delete the pictures.

You tin also relieve them to Google Drive or Dropbox (you can do the same with the photos on your camera curl).

Instagram Stories

Your Story:

Information technology is super, super common for short-term relationship exes or situationships (where you lot weren't official but it felt like more than friends) to continue watching your story. I don't know what it is. I accept three people I casually dated who still watch my stories. I don't assign any significant to it.

If the fact they are watching bothers you, you tin can change your account to private while you are healing, or block them. These deportment are both reversible.

Their Story:

Don't watch it. But if yous're having problem stopping, this exercise can aid.

Call up most all the unlike outcomes there could be. Merely write down every possibility y'all tin think of and how it will make you feel. Watching his story or checking his page volition rarely make you lot feel ameliorate.

They look happy = Y'all feel bad
They look sad = You lot feel bad
They're out with friends = You feel bad
There's a new partner= You experience super bad

In this case, ignorance may not be bliss, only it'south better than the alternative. I liked to practise this exercise in my journal when I was thinking about checking his social media.

Facebook

A lot of the tips for Instagram will apply here for handling social media subsequently a breakdown.

Notwithstanding, the skilful news is that Facebook has a different vibe than Instagram — Information technology's been around for longer and is less curated. You never go looking for those ten-yr-former photos of your pimpled face from high school, do you? Same for photos of y'all and your ex. Unless they are in your contour picture or your comprehend photo, information technology's probably safe to leave them for now.

Facebook Memories

Considering of its structure, Facebook is reasonably friendly to the recently broken up. Except for the memories feature. Facebook will blindside yous with pictures from years agone if you don't disable the memories feature offset.

Hither's how Facebook says to disable this feature .

False Accounts

Following you:

How do yous go virtually handling social media later on a breakup on Instagram when you have fake accounts following you?

It is well-nigh impossible to know who is behind the fake accounts creeping your story or commenting. If someone is purposely hiding their identity, here'southward your reminder that you do not owe them anything, regardless of whether they are your ex or some random person. Go private, block, or hibernate your story from them.

Following Your Ex with A Faux Account

I see you! You definitely aren't alone. Only making a faux IG account is not how you go nigh treatment social media after a breakup. Retrieve what we only learned almost how our brain processes heartbreak? Yous are delaying your own recovery, and for what? To play FBI and connect the dots on where they are and who he's with? To know every bit soon as he posts when they're back in a relationship?

Dude.

Focus on you. Heal. Ane twenty-four hour period, when you have had enough time to switch gears from honey to friendship, you lot tin eventually unblock them or check their account. Simply that time is not now.

Snapchat

Flashback Memories

Those pesky Snapchat Flashback Memories tin really pitter-patter upwards on y'all and out of nowhere bring back painful memories without giving yourself time to fix.

You can disable these. It will save you some pain down the road if y'all go alee and disable these at present, specially if you were with them for more than a year.

Hither's how to disable Flashback Memories.

Breakups are hard

Not only are you processing a huge loss and your broken heart, just you suddenly accept the extra stress of managing how you arroyo social media. I think 1 of the hardest things about breaking up now is managing social media.

After a breakup, information technology is only natural to go through a menstruation of wishing it hadn't all panned out the way that it did. Still, to truly get over someone you have to commit to building the life you lot dreamed of — without them. And you cannot do that if you are even so cyber-stalking them.

If you want this advice in podcast form, go here: